bagels 10 - ? / tinder

basically, cmb continues to provide me horrible matches. to elaborate on each and every bagel would be a project requiring a lot more energy than i am willing to expend on a venture which has ultimately led to more frustration and annoyance than diversion or entertainment. however, i will take the time to write on a few. i lost count soon after bagel 10, because cmb started to send me extra bagels each day. 

one bagel has a profile photo of him wearing a giant banana-shaped hat. his profile is very specific, which is interesting. he says he is serious but silly (i hate this description, why do so many people use it?) and random, that he likes to try out cafes (same as me, ok) and that he will eat anything, that he plays the saxophone (have not seen this before or since tbh), and driving around PCH at night (me!!!!!! i like this too!!!!!!). but then i get to his section labelled i appreciate when my date and it is so specific that i am reasonably sure he has a specific person in mind. he likes when his date has an ingenious fashion style and color matching combination! (what?), is not afraid to be her quirky self, and is honest enough that she often gets close to crossing the fine line into bluntness. i pass on this bagel... 

at a certain point gloria shows me a screenshot of her history of bagels and i find a few i ask her to give to me when she offers. i end up liking a couple of their profiles but have not connected with any of them. 

i was traumatised a couple days ago because cmb presented me a bagel whom i know in real life, went to high school with and who went to my uni, and whom i am facebook friends with....something they say they do not do, they say they do not match you with your own friends and yet??? why????????????????????????????????? it also showed me that he had already liked my profile. i passed for several reasons, least of which being that i am not actually interested in him. if i were i have some other ways to contact him??? i am highly suspicious that anyone at cmb actually knows what they are doing at this point tbh

yesterday i liked one of my bagels and we connected, but he has yet to say anything to me. i liked him mostly because his profile was quite specific and not boring and he works with young kids so we have that in common. also his photos were cute. but i am not really invested in talking with him. he may feel that way about me as well, judging by his lack of reaching out.

* * *

gloria mentioned in her last post that she managed to convince me to use tinder again, this time with strict parameters, because that was my condition for agreeing. i thought i could do it if i knew that it would end soon. the thing is, the first time i used tinder late last year, i did not make any lasting connections and i actually ended up meeting someone in person who was more interested in me than i was in him and i have learned from that mistake. and also i had a reappearing mystery boy who had made it quite clear he was over it back then who started talking to me again out of the blue in february and again last month only to disappear again. i did not meet good people on tinder when i used it. 

i agreed this time, though, because i was bored, because i was frustrated with cmb, and because part of me feels really ready to make connections with people. i have not felt that way before. it is new and kind of overwhelming. but i still did not expect to find this on tinder this time around. i thought it might be fun to talk with strangers, but then again, i didn’t actually expect to. 

within a day i was surprised by how many people were messaging me first -- i am always surprised, actually. i was more surprised to find that they were really nice. i did something dumb...i got interested. there were two who maintained conversation, others were spotty and eventually stopped. 

the second day on the app, i messaged gloria and i told her i didn’t think i would be deleting my account the next day. she said she was feeling the same. what did we get ourselves into? i’m more than likely leaving the country in august... i’m very soft, i get attached, and things matter to me. what did i get myself into? but i could not have anticipated what happened. i am trying to take things as they come and not to expect anything else. but what can i do? i want what i want and feel how i feel... and things happen as they happen. 

beegulls 10-49

So, I haven't updated in a while. A week to be exact. In that short amount of time, my bagel count has jumped from 9 to 49. This is exponential. Unprecedented. But, it is also extremely discouraging because out of the 40 I've only connected with 3 and liked 1. 

To be fair (on myself), I'll briefly categorize the types of guys that cmb has given to me as bagels and those include guys that have liked my profile as well. There are your typical (rejected) wannabe Asian bros, which I've discussed with Lily, that haven't fully transitioned into a full-fledged Asian bro. This basically means that they still retain a bit of dorkiness (whether it's reflected in the way they dress or in how they describe themselves in their profiles. These are absolutely not my type. I have nothing against them. I think, to their credit, they are most likely very compassionate males who still believe in some form of chivalry. Applaudable. 

And then, there are a handful that are actually Asian bros with full on lean muscular builds and pictures of them either outdoors hiking or drinking in a club or something or the other. These are dangerous to me. I just don't trust that lifestyle. My insecurities I suppose. So, they are automatic passes on my end. 

I'd like to shift the focus to my 3 connected bagels and the 1 that is still up in the air (but I'm pretty sure by now that I'm not his type). 

Connected #1: Goes to the same uni. Pursuing a PhD. Describes himself as "relaxed and open-minded, thoughtful, active, adventurous." He seemed alright. By now, I was already anxious to connect with someone so I try my luck and like his profile. We're connected. He does not message me. A day passes. I ask Lily whether I should give a generic greeting or something abnormal. Before she responds, I send him a message: "beep beep". His reply was boring: "?" I prod him, "Question: what made you use this app?" He answers, "My roommate recommended it. I'm not looking for anything serious right now. Purely sexual would be good, or something little more intimate would be good too." Wow. He was obviously misinformed. I decide that it's not worth it to reply. 

Connected #2: Also another PhD student at the same uni. He seemed to hold more potential compared to the first one. Connecting with him was actually a surprise to me. Aside from the usual "outdoorsy" shit, he also described himself as "probably annoying". That caught my interest. I wanted to know how. Never will though. He didn't even reply to my "beep beep". This one's a lost cause. 

Connected #3: Before I matched with him, cmb already let me know that "He likes you" so I had nothing to lose on my end. We connected and he was the first to initiate the conversation by answering the auto-generated ice breaker cmb so kindly provides  us. The question is about movies so we chat about that for a bit. He steers it into the direction about my profile and why I describe myself as "strange". I get a bit into semantics. He backs off with the predictable line, "I'm just teasing" And segues into another equally predictable move, asking me what makes me strange... Ugh. But, in all fairness, he was trying. And, after realizing he wasn't getting anywhere with that topic, he aborts it and starts anew. "What's your idea of a good time?" I give him my answer. He's since gone awol.

Liked #1: Goes to same uni. Seems humorous and fun. Apparently doesn't want to be like that with me. Oh well.

------------------------------

So, I'm bored again. I'm bored of the types of guys cmb has to offer. My mind's telling me no, but I go ahead and do it anyway. I convince Lily to make a tinder account again. We're going to mess around. This time, with parameters. 3 days. Asking all our matches why they use the app. Thus far, it's alright. There's an alarming amount of guys on tinder that I share mutual friends with. I'm not sure what to make of that yet. I also matched with a couple of them. This is bizarre. 

bagels 7-10

bagel 7 and i chat semi-regularly for two whole days. by the third day, i know that there is more interest on his part and i become slightly agitated. why does he include that little blushing emoticon in almost every message? i like talking to him and i like him as a human, but the attraction is not there. i know by now i have to make this clear. i spend a while thinking about it and even rope a friend into helping me. i message him. we have different interests, i don’t think we’re looking for the same thing, i’m looking for something else right now, sorry. what i mean is that we have little in common, and i am not really into him. but he messages me back, he still wants to meet in person to see if we have chemistry. it takes me over three hours to come up with a way to say but i don’t want to see if we have chemistry or not because i’m not interested in you that way. i end up reiterating my first points. then i say, i’d be happy to be friends with you, if that’s something you’re interested in, but i think it’s not. besides friendship, i don’t have anything to offer you. i say this as nicely as i can. i don’t want to hurt his feelings and it isn’t easy to have to tell someone no for the second time. he responds shortly: so brutal. i shrug metaphorically. i could have shown him brutal. i write, just bein straight wit u, homie. he doesn’t message me again. 

bagels 8, 9, and 10 are complete misses. i am beginning to despair of cmb’s ability to match me with anyone suitable. bagel 8 is someone whose face i cannot pick out amongst a sea of faces (cmb calls this a where’s waldo? photo), but he has an adorable cat. his profile says he likes animals and he’s friendly and open-minded. he likes nerd stuff, coffee, music and being outdoors. i can be down with all of this except being outdoors. he likes it when his date is punctual, has a great sense of humor, and has a bit of a wild side. i have no idea what it means to have a bit of a wild side. it seems to me like he likes it when his date does all the work--is funny and wild! isn’t that asking just a bit too much. i pass on bagel 8. 

bagel 9 freaks me out. i am a shy person, but i am also cautious. bagel 9 is over 6 feet tall, slightly over a foot taller than me actually, and has a post-punk, metal-banger vibe that i cannot get with. he likes girls who play video games--did whoever is matching bagels even read my bio????--and girls who are down to meet and hang out with his friends. no. no no no. there are a lot, i mean a lot, of other things written in his profile, but none that i remotely relate to. he’s a complete extrovert, for one. i am pretty sure that just means i would want to punch him in the face the whole time i was around him; i don’t want to punch all extroverts, of course, but someone who calls themselves a complete extrovert is a special kind of extrovert, ya feel. i would want to punch him, but i would be too scared. i would be afraid to even meet him alone. i show his photo to gloria. all his pictures trigger my fight or flight instincts. i cannot with bagel 9. i pass on bagel 9. 

bagel 10... has nothing written in his profile. i am N/A. i like N/A. i like it when my date N/A. needless to say, i pass on bagel 10. let’s say he were a famous male model or celebrity about whom i already knew all i needed to know in order to establish a basis for attraction. at this point, and at this point only, would i like someone whose profile was so underfed. like excuse u but u gotta work a little here ok i am not just going to fall into ur arms from above

at some point during all of this, i email CMB to ask what the deal is with extra bagels, explaining that gloria and i joined at the same time, and she receives extra ones each day, whereas i have never been offered this feature. the genius who emails me back says that since i am so new i have not yet unlocked this feature, as well as mentioning that extra bagels are presented to profiles that have not yet liked their daily bagels. i figured something to the effect of the latter part, but for him to say that i am new so i don’t get these yet is stupid, since gloria and i literally joined an hour apart, and i joined before her. in addition to this, i believe that gloria has liked at least one of her daily bagels. so i am still kind of confused as to why this happens. oh well. it’s not like emailing to ask should have helped me understand right

after all of this, i narrow down my preferences even more than before. a notification pops up that tells me that a certain number of bagels have already liked me but they may not meet my new preferences. would i rather see these bagels and start getting preference-matching bagels after that, or would i rather start fresh? well, here’s the thing, if the quality of my matches had been good at all so far, i would go ahead and say to keep the bagels who’d liked me and to start again after that. but look at what i’ve got so far. so i tell them to start fresh tomorrow. 

meanwhile, i have still not heard back from bagel 6. i’ve returned a few times to his profile to look at his photos again. in any case, just knowing that he is in the world somewhere looking for his bagel is enough of a comfort even if we do not end up connecting. 

gloria and i are considering branching out into a new app. because we are not in a city what we have to work with is a bit limited. frustratingly. i think also most people just do not use this app. we each have tried tinder again momentarily and ended up deleting our accounts pretty soon after, like hours after, because it is actually the worst to start from scratch there, so we’ll have to find something else. 

bagels 3 - 7

i discover on accident why i need coffee beans. the revelation is not wholly welcome. when i receive bagel 3, his profile is very sweet and i feel like he is a wonderful person, but i feel no physical attraction. since i am on a mission to find the perfect bagel, i pass. i feel bad about this for a while. but i know in person i would have passed, too. 

i find out that in the section titled give or take, you see previews of profiles you may or may not like to give to someone you know (give) or take for yourself (take). i wonder why they did not extend the food metaphors to this section of the app? serve or save for leftovers, for example. i scan through the profile previews and a big smile catches my eye. when i press the take button, a notification alerts me that i need to hand over 335 beans for the transaction. i become agitated and close the app. but i keep thinking about it. it is not a real transaction. i did not pay for the beans. the beans were given to me and this is what they are for. it is not weird to buy access to a person’s profile. (but it is. i still feel odd about this feature. i understand that they want you to choose carefully. however, i should just be trusted to do that and if i don’t, it’s not gonna be nice for me anyway...)

i end up taking one of the profiles. when i am granted his full profile, i find out that he’s probably not going to be interested in me due to differences in a certain point of view, but i still like him anyway. he is bagel 4, from whom i have not heard back. 

i find out that gloria receives 5 extra bagels. this has happened at least twice. i think about this a lot. first i am jealous. not that she likes them, but still. the extra options...  after a while i come up with the theory that because i have expressed interest in someone by taking them for 335 beans, the app has hope for me, and does not feel the pressure to present me with these 5 extra options. but gloria (until today) held out and passed on everyone, so the app worries more for her. that is my theory. i talked with her today and found out she liked at least one profile, and took one, too. i look forward to seeing whether or not she still receives the 5 extra bagels each day...

in addition to this, she says she can see that these 5 bagels have already liked her profile. i realize that it is quite possible that nobody is liking my profile and this is why i do not have the extras. it is also possible that the people who have liked my profile are the bagels i have been receiving and that is why we are so lowly compatible. 

bagel 5 is completely, 100%, more than 100% not my type. i have no idea why the app presented him to me except that i have a limited opportunity to say what i am not looking for. i pass on bagel 5. 

i take bagel 6. he’s dressed cute and has a really lovely face. he seems like someone i would get along with, laid back and has “hang out” as one of the things he likes to do. not one of those “go on adventures!” types who i think, once pressured, wouldn’t even know how to explain what an adventure is to me, especially after i pointed out that most people’s ideas of adventures are hiking in the mountains or in a park (on a trail) ... i have yet to hear from bagel 6. 

bagel 7 comes to me at noon today. i am pleased by the first photo; he isn’t my usual type but he seems friendly and i feel that there is a chance that we may connect. i like his profile. immediately i receive a push notification that we have connected because he liked mine, too. i also receive an email, which is kind of amusing to me. there is now a chat room available to us. it already has a question that both of us can see and choose to answer in order to facilitate conversation. but bagel 7 is not shy. he asks me about a half hour after we connect, did you find this site looking for breakfast, too? we have maintained smalltalk since then. it is now after 8pm. i am unsure about how i feel. i’m mostly just glad he hasn’t asked for my number yet. 

i am still hoping to hear back from bagel 6. but to each his own. i respect this. 

beegulls 1-9

I'm not entirely sure what to make of this dating app. I think the first time I heard of it was because a friend who was crushing on a guy at that time found out that he met a girl through this app. She was making fun of the name- coffee meets bagel. Corny, she said. I thought it made sense. How else would you have your bagel? Without coffee? Absurd. 

The second time it cropped up was when I was in London and a friend recommended the app because I told her some of my encounters with guys from Tinder. Apparently, it retains less of a 'hook up' impression compared to Tinder she divulged. I checked it out, but realized the service was only available in the states. Oh well.

So, the third time came around recently. We were chatting, Lily and I, about anything and everything. This time though, it was I who mentioned about cmb. I figured we had nothing to lose. 

One picture. Some words. My profile is skeletal. But, that's exactly how I prefer it. 

However, the bagels I've been offered thus far have fleshed out profiles. The first seemed playful until I saw his last picture- one of him holding a (toy?) handgun. Nope. The second was below the age range I prefer so an automatic pass. I just was not physically attracted to the third one at all. "I appreciate my date... is down to earth and always smiling" ??? Hell no. Fourth one didn't strike me as interesting at all. 

And then, I was offered five! extra bagels in addition to my fourth. What a steal. First of five was a decent guy, just not my type. Second of five seemed to be my type ish but as Lily pointed out, he referred to himself as ... "Tall, white and handsome" Ugh. Third and fourth of five were easy passes. Last of five did make me chuckle a bit with his answer under "I appreciate when my date... Shows up" And yet, it was still a pass. 

bagels 1 & 2

the app is coffee meets bagel. the title offends my sensibilities and creative, albeit restrained, preferences. but gloria and i make a pact to use it, and i read the reviews and decide, what the hell. i download it. it is almost midnight. 

the profile attaches to my facebook profile. the idea is that i am now a cup of coffee and the app will set me up with daily bagels. i suspend my disbelief. i become a cup of coffee. i fill out my profile. name, age, current city, ethnicity, height, religion, occupation, education. then categories like, i am..., and i like..., and i appreciate when my date.... each time i fill out a piece of information for the latter three categories, i earn three coffee beans. i do not know why i want coffee beans.

i am matched with my first bagel before i fill out my profile. this seems a flaw in the system. there is a flaw in my bagel. he is 37, works in sales, adventurous, well-traveled and well-rounded. he likes to be spontaneous. he likes it when his date has a sense of humor, can have an intelligent conversation. his photos are random; in one, he seems to be in the outer corridors of an old cathedral, in another, he is clearly at a wedding, in the next one he is making a douche-face over the heads of two blonds, in the other he is alone lounging against the side of a couch in a poorly-lit hotel room. he is vanilla-bean white man. he is too much older than me. i am 100% sure i am not his type. i pass on bagel 1. 

bagel 2 is revealed to me at 12PM on friday. he is good-looking, holding a dog in his first photo. i click through to his profile. he is my age, 22, a research assistant at a nearby university. he was probably in my same graduating class. he is silly but serious, an all-around entertainer, a history buff. he likes going on adventures and discovering new things. he likes his date to be able to out-quote him in movies and to engage in sophisticated conversation. all his photos look like they were taken at parties. it looks like he may still identify to a great extent with the frat boy dream. his profile seems ordinary. we do not have anything in common besides our alma mater, and i am reasonably sure i am not his type either, so i pass on bagel 2. 

coffee meets bagel (cmb) provides coffees with one bagel per day at noon based on user-provided preferences in religion, ethnicity, and age range. i narrow down my preferences. i will no longer be satisfied with any bagel. there are bagels all around me every day from which i could choose if finding any kind would do. this app promises a lot, and so i decide to aim to find the perfect one.